Alone at 2 a.m.

Now.

2012-01-05T08:22:00.000-08:00

I look down at the post I wrote. It was to her. I don't regret writing it because that was truly how I felt at the time.

At the time.

But now, I can say that I'm finally over her.

She helped me realise that I could do so much better. That there is no reason why I should be sad losing her.

This is the last post about her; and with that my final words to her:

I never stopped loving you. You, never started.

asdasd

2011-04-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

I turn around and stare at the most beautiful face i've seen.

Few people have experienced that, and I'm lucky enough to be able to. I can say that my heart skips a beat when your near, that I miss you even though we're in the same room. I can say all this and you won't even know. Hoping and wishing that you'd, somehow also feel the same ... the 1 in a trillion chance that you share my emotions and these feelings. It's unlikely and I know that, but I can't help feel what I'm feeling even though it'll only hurt me.

I look at you and I see someone that respects them self. I see someone that is sensible, that is mature enough to be immature. I see someone that isn't based on being superficial, someone that is real. You're smart but you dont flaunt it, you care about your studies, you know what is important and what isn't.

I saw you tonight and these are the words I desperately wanted to say:

You look amazing, you're more beautiful that I imagined.

I really would like to get to know you better

I'll come with you.

It was good seeing you.

My night was centered around you. I was happy you were there, I was sad when you left...

I'm not someone that expresses their feelings easily. When I like someone, I get nervous. I can't properly react to what my heart tells me. I wan't to talk to you, but I don't. All I can do is pretend to look for someone when I know the only person I want to see is you.

The fact that every girl was faceless. Everyone was just not good enough because I saw you.

How dare they

2010-09-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

It seems that these days all thats in the news is negativity. But then again, negativity is alawys in the news.

I dont mind negativity, but when i see articles about certain american's not wanting a mosque (its not even just a mosque) to be built 2 blocks away from the twin towers, and then the next day some randoms burning the Quran, or however u spell it .. it pisses me off.

I Don't follow a certain religion, infact i dont follow any religion, but not letting people build a muslim community center 2 blocks away from the twin towers is complete bullshit. It doesn't even make sense, the reason why is because they are afraid of terrorism. What? terrorism.. what they dont know is that terrorism is not bound by some form of religion and just because some people are fucked doesnt make everyone else fucked.

It pisses me off because this act completely contradicts what western society is trying to promote. We are privledged enough to be allowed to believe in whatever we want, Christianity, Scientology, Muslims, Hindu's, Buddist's we have the right and free will to choose what we believe in. Yet we dont now in todays society.

Some pastor wanted to make a day where people burnt the Quaran? There is no logic or common sense behind that, but blind hatred for almost no reason. We put this issue in a context we can more informally understand, You are dating a girl that recently broke up with her Boyfriend, however the boyfriend finds you and beats the living day lights out of you, so in retaliation you hit the girl. What? 911 happens, and is orchestrated by Al-Quaida an ORGANISATION that isnt bound by religion, and so in retalliation we burn the "bible" of a religion? what is happening

What im trying to say is this,

I'm not religious at all, I dont follow the work of the bible or Quaran. I may even toatlly disagree with religion as a whole, but that does NOT mean I can disregard religion as a whole. I believe in belief itself, the idea that i believe that YOU have the RIGHT to believe in what YOU believe, i may not agree with what you believe, but i accept that you believe whatever it may be.

This is the problem with religion, i feel as if you are so consumed with the teachings, people forget that belief is universal and a gift which should be cherished, we should not debate which belief is correct because belief is centered on human beings, and human beings cannot be completely similar; we are dissimilar and this is what makes us function.

I respect the rights of those who believe in religion, even though i myself do not, I just really wished many others felt the same way

life, a brittle, fragile, abstract, unrelatable

2010-03-12T06:14:00.000-08:00

story

Each persons life. When you think to yourself yeh i can relate to what that persons thinking, do you really? Probably not. How can you ever relate to someone, when people are different, the things each person goes through, the events that happen to people through life.. there is no way you can relate to the person. You may feel the same feelings, but those feelings you feel.. won't be the same.

Your grandmother died, so did Jeromes. You and Jerome share the same death, the same feeling, loss (or maybe not). But it won't be the same. Each persons life is so unique, so brittle, fragile, so undescribable, and unrelatable. You could even say each life signifies a different universe, my life my universe looked through my eyes central to me, my fingers typing this crap; and your life, your universe, central to yourself, looking through your eyes onto what ive written.

I watched the movie Remember Me, central themes revolving around love, living for the moments, living in the moments, living to create the moments u live for. So then creating the moments, it should be noted that every life is different, but should we then conclude that every life is equally important? At first glance, you'd like to think yeh. Everyones life is equally important to the next, but thats beyond hilarious. Its so funny because thats so false.

Every life is important, but would you really give a shit about that man you saw walking across the street to get to Starbucks on George St? If he died, you wouldnt even know. If your friend dies from an overdose of drugs, etc.. ofcourse youd care. Life is seen through your eyes, your eyes tell your brain these people, these things are important to me. So when people die in wars, from terrorist attacks, from anything of a mass. Think how many people are affected by the deaths, its beyond imagining. And since we cannot even imagine the impact of the deaths to the different people affected, then how can we say every life is just as important as the next? We can't because it can't be true.

Life is so fragile, and it can be changed in any moment. Your walking home from university, and you cross the road and you get hit by a car. You lose your legs. Is it probable? yeh, will it happen? meh, but it is probable. You are driving from university and your rushing home. You hit someone and you have made them lose their legs forever. Both lives change so instantly. But like that movie Benjamin Button, what if say 6 years ago u stayed an hour long in that waxing salon, or 2 more drinks at a club, would that change what happened to you in the present day and you losing your legs? Dunno, If u say yes, then you probably dont believe that everything happens for a reason.. even if you said you did, or joined a facebook group saying "Everything happens for a reason"; because if you did believe that, then no matter what happened in the past, you will eventually lose your legs at that spot, walking home from uni, at that moment, your life being so brittle, fragile, abstract and unrelatble would also be unchangeable. The idea that we all have a path and we walk it, even if we ahve decisions to make that path wont change, its a straight brick road, and its up to either our decisions or a higher beings, to determine whether its a yellow one or not.

Write your story, live it. Follow it. Theres no need to understand it, becaue you will never be able to.

If i said..

2010-02-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

TYLER
I'll be back in an hour.

ALLY
Do you want french toast or
pancakes for breakfast?

TYLER
Whichever tastes better a la mode.

Ally smiles.

ALLY
Say hi to your dad for me.
Tyler watches her lying there. Then whispers.

TYLER
If I said I love you... what would
you say?

ALLY
I love you.

TYLER
I love you too.

And i will

2010-02-10T09:29:00.000-08:00

Dearest Cecilia,

The story can resume. The one I had been planning on that evening walk. I can become again the man who once crossed the surrey park at dusk, in my best suit, swaggering on the promise of life. The man who, with the clarity of passion, made love to you in the library. The story can resume. I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame.

the best 4 meters of my life, yet the worst

2010-02-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

What the title says.

Taylor Swift came to Sydney and this time i wouldn't miss out so i went to her concert.

I got standing tickets and was literally 4 meters away, it was pretty intense seeing someone on tv, on the internet, and listening to her music and actually being in the same place as her let alone 4 meters, thinking of that made me really happy that night.

Its 5 am, now, ive slept at 5am probably every day for 2 weeks, and wake around 1pm, its not good and I need to change that habit, but its hard .. the reason? Because im weird, ill explain...

I dont want to face the next day, and try to make this night as long as possible, however it works out to be the same because i wake at 2pm the next day, so half the day has gone already.. however the thing that seperates them both, is that at night im by myself doing my own thing while the morning - afternoon im faced with society, parents etc ... not to say i dont like it, but id much rather just be by myself, doing this.

I always like the beginning of the year, holidays and just the feeling of starting a new year. SO naturally, when the australian open is on, its wonderful ... it practically symbolises Summer... you KNOW its summer in Australia if its on, and the thrill of it, is what makes summer so great, love it!

Anyway part of the reason why i sleep at 5am these days is Kiera Knightly.. yeh .. Her movies, eg Pride and Prejudice and Atonement are wonderful, i loved Atonement and just the idea behind it all how its based on a subjective perspective (even though all perspectives are subjective, even normal films by directors), its great to see such a different yet conventional romantic tragedy.

Speaking of romance and tragedy, that prettty much sums up mine. Actually it doesnt, because there hasn't been any romance to "tragedify", so the song Bad Romance doesnt relate at all .. =( so i cant ra ra oo la la. Im a solid believer in waiting for love to come to you, and that the dating sites are just a desperate attempt to find companionship, which in essence is "love" but i feel its too artificial of a way to find "love" when the word itself is created (you'd think artificial would relate then, but it doesnt) as love is craeted by emotions and abstract feelings, while those sites are created by html codes and java script. Love should come to you naturally, but then that may explain why people just stay single forever; either they dont wan't love to come to them, or it just never comes ... "love" though I'm not talking about family love.

I probably am gonna go now, I hate seeing the sun rise because I know i've stayed up wayyyyy too long and early, and also the kookaburra's and assortment of birds will begin to chirp and squeel songs that would rival the pokeflute.

Byebye

So what's happd and the iphone

2009-12-01T06:27:00.000-08:00

Ok it's time to blog and via my iPod touch! The amount or precision needed is unbelievable, maybe after this rigourous training, my thumbs could turn put like megan fox's yessssssss. Wait guys how do I start a new paragraph on here...

I see it was the return button. Ok here it goes.

So from last year to now so much has changed, so is that to say that I've changed? I'd be losing if I said I wasn't and everyone else would be too. Not only have I gone through some weird and spectaculr experiences, I also have a new house and car, so this year has def had it's highlights.

I've met tonns of new peoplefrom Uni and friends of friends, cool but I feel as if something is wrong with me and it's only been these few months. I don't interact with any of them anymore, well not as srs as before, j dunno I feel as if I really just am v lazy and have too much fun by myself, but then I don't have fun at all, it's a strange dilemma and it only recently happened. I think one of the contributing factors is that I don't like large groups, eg if there were to be 2 options of which one was clubbing with friends or a night of chills with my friend eugene or even just a night at home by myself watching glee, I'd proba choose eugene and glee. I don't know why, even though I would of had a better time clubbing, I still would choose staying at home, knowing infCt it's be better, fucl so wierd.

One of the reasons I realised an I'm not afreid to say is that I've taken everyone I've met this year for granted. When I first got to UNO I had, wait Wtf iPod changed uni to UNO cool. Make friends so u won't be lonelygirl15 jeff, but now when I do have friends I don't make an effort to keep in touch or do anything gj jeff.

So like ultimately I'm pretty fucked.

Apart from that fuckage, first year of uni has gone by so quick, to the point that im reallly confused. Half my year I was in a abstract relationship in which to this day I hve no idea wat it was. It's the type where u are with the person a lot, and are basically "there" but ain't. Usually Itd move forward naturally, but in the end it failed. I think we were just fed up with eachother by the end of it, and the random shit, rumours, going to other peoples houses to "study" didn't help. I think I was just fed up in the end , and she was aswell. There was a spark that could of lit so brightly, butall the interfernces between the candle and the flame blew it out. I guess love doesn't wait haha

It's 2am almost I usually think wierd at this time, which is why my random blog is titled as it is, not bad.

I've been trying to crack down many things lately in my laboratory, one of which is life and how it's changing. So if I went back to a year ago now, just finishing by hsc and the me then thinking about what I'd be like 1 year ahead (now), I can honestly remember thinking how my life would e changed so much. Uni and all, but now after thinking back it really hasn't, even though I'm in my new house now, on this iPod touch waiting to go to work tomorow. The facts
Are all here, my life HAS chNged dramatically, more than I (me last year) had expected, yet the me now is dissapointed in the lack of change. Does this suggest that I think highly of myself to accomplish more than what's happened in this year? No, I don't think highly of myself at all, infact I live my life trying to break even in rvrrything I do, never aiming higher than that. I guess it just means, that I'm ungrateful to what life has given me, andthat I should be, another Fucked thing about me.

One thing I can't miss out that this year brought me was taylor swift and her music, if u read somehow this far, u knew it was coming. So I went into my laboratory again to try and understand why im so addicted to her. Not many guys like tswift pretty obv ey, does this mean I'm not a guy, penis is there so it can't be that. Yeh I love her music and the way it sounds but what else is it? Her looks arentthe best, Its prrtty obv that if I was basing what I liked on looks, I'd like alba more than swift, so it can't be that. So It must be personality?? But I don't even know her at all. All of these ideas and indications aren't correct, try implement this criteria to a celeb u are adicted to, u come to a dead end. So the conclusion that is, her music with her looks and with the personality that I've "created" for her combined make me insanely in like with her, it's creepy maybe, and it's not ordinary but something (which I failed to pinpoint) makes her seperate to other artists I love eg. John Mayer, therefore that something is probe cause she's a girl . Huh? Dunno

Dance Battle

2009-11-13T07:08:00.000-08:00

cbf

Level up! doodododoooo!

2009-01-19T07:27:00.000-08:00

3rd stage of the game called "life"

1st was entering primary school

2nd lvl was entering high school

3rd (now) entering university.

Im happy with my results, its what i wanted, and i got it.. so i gotta be nothing but thankful.

Nothings happened much, the usual after uni friends dissapearing. Like yeh, some guys/girls are still trying to see eachother in these holidays, but you can't deny the fact that we are just breaking away from each other. Its like our group in a game, sometimes a player joins another guild.

Eli left to melb, take care; hope to catch up soon and best of luck to whatever you do in the future. And just like that a friends gone. srsly just like that *clicks fingers*, makes you think ey?? all the times you have with your friends dissapear, but then offcourse the memories stay.

The thing about life is. You ALWAYS start back at 1.

Your born ure dependant on a care giver, ure spoon fed, and require a set of hands to change your underwear. You grow.

You're wearing your primary school bag, heavy and freaking box shaped, back at level 1. You finish 7 years of primary school. You grow and become someone different Your back at level 1.

You enter highschool, hair gel'd short and a bittt chubby. You look up and see a freking tall white dude with a hot blonde GF. You see random small eyed skinny short asians with baggy pants playing bball, you wished you were them. You complete 6 years of randomoscity, going through bad,good, sexual, srs, casual experiences. You Grow into someone different. Back at level 1.

You enter Uni, tafe wherever highschool put u to. You face the boss called The World and independance. You wtf at everything.

I can only say up to their, cause i havent unlocked the rest of the levels, only on lvl 3. But if you do make it to the final levels of this game, Age 70-90 etc , you realise its exactly the same as being level 1 when you were first born.

Your back to being spoon fed, a person that needs a caregiver, a person taht needs to help you shit, brush your teeth, eat your food. In the end, Your you again. If your lucky you might rmember the events youve experienced in the life you've had; and thats pretty much all thats differ'ing the you at 80 years old and the you when you were 1.

What im doing in uni, i dont know anyone else doing (Media in MQ) so i guess i will have new friends, same goes to others. In a way i feel freaking good that i can converse with more people. But in a way leaving highschool and friends is like leaving a part of me behind, i guess leaving a part of you behind somewhere is a step to changing and becoming a "newer" person, finding out things you didnt know.

My friends went on schoolies 2 weeks or lsat week ago. I found it interesting how every single one. EVERY single person came home happy. Im lucky to have such a versatile and acceptng bunch of friends, and seeing them so happy and becoming much closer and understanding eachother more in a span of 5 days shows something. Who needs Gold Coast when Port Stephens and a great group of people are there? Its only in my deepest regret that i didnt go.

I dunno if people will read up to here, i guess i dont care; i feel like writing blogs help release stuff thats in my mind, and i srsly feel a lot more happier and grateful after writing this srs essay on life. But srsly people in my graed, look back at the times we had. Yr 11 camp, when i imagine yr 11 camp, i always think of it being clear blue skies green trees and colourful shirts, its a representation of how much happiness the grades given me, all i can remember about it was happiness, its really *duno word* that i can never enjoy that again with the same group of people that i love and "dont love".

And to be honest, i would re do the HSC on nightmare mode, to relive yr 10-12 again, even with assessments. Its worth it.

To sum up my Essay blog, deep srs shit, these pictures shall tell a million words some being: Courage, Domination, determination, quarantine, Jeff, Poynoy, Jeffpoynoy, wobafett.youjustlosthegame.